What She Knows For Sure

Phoebe begins the Sunday Service by playing a selection from one of the mixed tapes that came with a boom box she bought at a garage sale--which is where she met Deacon (he was purchasing the credenza she now uses for an altar). He'd tried to start an argument with her about the existence of Free Will (she was wearing her priest collar at the time), but mellowed out when she told him that the only thing she knew for sure was that there are some things that you just can't know for sure (and also that she had bought the collar from a costume store.)

This week she begins with the opening theme from Sound of Music (the one that's playing while Julie Andrews twirls around), because it feel hopeful and uplifting to her, even though she read an article once where they said that, in real life, the helicopter they used to shoot the scene was flying too low, and the turbulence it caused kept knocking poor Julie down.

When the music stops, she lights each of the candles that stand in the dozen or so cups and small bowls filled with rice that line the edge of the altar. (These are tea cups, mostly, and dessert bowls, but there are juice glasses, too, and maybe a couple of pickle jars.) Next, she takes the brass pitcher from under the altar (where God can usually be found sleeping) and waters the little pots of rosemary and oregano she's placed among the candles, then picks up a pebble from a pile in the center of the altar, kisses it, and places it in another pile right next to it.

She bows to the altar, then turns to face the congregation.

All Saints Bijou Temple

Phoebe's mind is on Josephine as she stands at the front of the theatre and prepares to give this week's sermon. All Saints Bijou Temple is non-sectarian, so she has a lot of latitude when it comes to liturgy, but rambling meditations on issues of personal disappointment have, in the past, inspired certain members of the congregation to get up and walk out...so Phoebe is determined to stick to the sermon she has already prepared, which this week she has titled: "People Are A Mess." (Titles are an important part of Phoebe's community outreach, as she posts them weekly on the church/theatre marquee.)

There are only three parishioners in attendance this Sunday. One is the owner of the theatre, who likes to be called Deacon. Phoebe doesn't know this for certain, but she has been told that Deacon was once the head of the university's Divinity School, and that he got into some kind of dispute with the Chancellor (some say he seduced the Chancellor's daughter, other say he wouldn't give up his parking privileges), but whatever it was, the thing escalated until the two came to blows. The incident took place during a commencement ceremony, right after (some say before) Deacon gave the benediction. The police were called. Deacon's family had been significant contributors to the endowment fund, so lawyers became involved. In the end, no charges were filed, but the Chancellor left shortly thereafter to give a series of lectures on Antiquities in Mesopotamia, and Deacon retired, to take over his family's extensive chain of theaters.